“Matty can you turn the music down, I can’t hear myself think.” as thirty something Lauren brushes her blonde mane, Matty grunts back “Yeah. Hey are you working today?” Lauren shouts back “Ya, going into the office for three hours to write two pieces that are stuck in my head for my blog and then I have a hair appointment.”
“Hold on L someone is at the door.” He heads to the door “Lauren there’s a girl here to see you.”
“Who is it?”
“Egg, she said her name is Egg?” he softly laughs while walking towards the back of the house. Lauren walks to the door as she eyes a petite girl with a brunette bob and an emerald nose ring “Hi, I’m Lauren can I help you?”
“Hi Lauren, I’m Anna Mancini, you donated an egg eighteen years ago and well, I’m it!” with an awkward smile. Lauren is slightly stunned and feeling lightheaded “Um, do you want to come in?”
“Sure, thank you. Sorry to come so early and unannounced, I’m a senior at North Morris High in Laguna Beach, I have a bad case of senioritis and I’m skipping school to come to see you.”
“Uh oh, I hope that’s okay?”
“No worries it is, I’m all caught up with my studies and basically it’s ‘smooth sailing’ until I graduate.”
“Okay, good.” Lauren adds quickly. Anna nervously asks “Am I catching you at a bad time?”
“No, I was just on my way to the office for a couple of hours, would you like to come with me? Some people bring their dogs so I’m sure it’s not a problem.” Anna laughs “Oh my god sorry, I didn’t mean for it to come out like that!”
“No worries I knew what you meant, and sure!” excited, Lauren responds “OK, cool. Let me grab my bag and we can be off!” As the girls walk to Lauren’s car Anna awkwardly utters “So what do you do?”
“I’m a writer.”
“Cool! I want to be a painter, well I am one but I would love to make a living at it!”
“Nice, can I see your work sometime?”
“YEAH, of course, I would love to show you!”
“Will your parents be mad that you’re here?”
“No, they’re cool. They trust me.” She smiles at Anna. Anna’s nose is crinkled up while looking at Lauren “We have the same shaped eyes.” Lauren sticks out her long neck and peers in “What do ya know, we do. Your eye color is hazel, so pretty.”
“Thank you, yours are too, brown?”
“Yup. Wow I can’t believe we live so close by to each other, what a coincidence!”
“I know, right?”

As they both walk into The Laurel Canyon Ledger office building. Lauren sees Joe, the sales manager, casually leaning himself against the reception desk. “Hey Joe, this is my new friend Anna!” as she winks at her “Well hello there Anna, it’s nice to meet you!” Anna shyly smiles while looking at the large male adult “Hi.”
The girls are walking to Lauren’s cubicle, Anna brightly chirps “I turned eighteen yesterday!”
“Happy Birthday!”
“I wanted to meet you the second I became an adult but my annoying parents insisted on having a dinner and a cake.” Lauren chirps back “I’m honored!”
Lauren sits in front of her computer and Anna plops down on the swivel chair and starts to swivel around “What do you write about?” Lauren contently smiles “I write announcements for birthdays, wedding, engagements, births and anniversaries.” Anna chimes in “Cool!”
“What do you like to do Anna when you’re not painting or in school?”
“I like to play with my little brother Milo, he’s three. I like to bake, read, watch movies and hang out with my friends.”
“Are any of those ‘friends’ a special someone?”
“I think my friend Adam is smokin’ hot!”
“So who was the guy who answered the door?” Lauren replies with ease “Ahhhh that would be Matty, my spirit twin.”
“Cool, I never heard of that before.”
“So, OK Anna I have to write an engagement of a same-sex couple and both of their names are Mary. They usually write out what they want to say but this couple asked me to put my own spin on it in the beginning, with their approval of course, you wanna help?”
“Sure, that sounds fun. Hows this? Mary Mary, how I love how our garden grows!” They both erupt in laughter.

Walking back to the car two hours later, Lauren turns to Anna “Are you hungry?”
“OK then, let’s feed that belly.” both with ear-to-ear smiles as they hop in the car. Anna casually states “This is so easy, the conversation, my demeanor, it comes so naturally. I was so nervous. But, I always had a good instinct about meeting you, that never wavered.”
“I’m very glad to hear that. I know what you mean and you’re right, it does come naturally!” a care-free and at ease Lauren continues “Oh, and you never have to be nervous around me, please don’t. Feel free to talk about anything, my ears will always be attentive.” Anna smiles unabashedly “So what are you in the mood for, burgers, sandwiches, salads…?” Anna chirps “Sushi!”
“Ahhhh a girl after my own heart, Sushi it is” They’re delightfully dipping their colorful round fish in green gold and soy sauce. Lauren is blissfully content filling her stomach with taste-bud-popping goodness “So tell me about your mom and dad!” Anna looks up while thinking “My dad Brian is so cool, he is a writer as well and a musician. He’s Italian and Latino.”
“Wow that’s a nice ethnic mix, do you have a picture of him?” Anna pulls out her phone, Lauren is peering in “Oh my he is so handsome!”
“Thank you, I love my mom too.”
“OK then.” Lauren softly laughs, Anna responds nervously “No, my mom is so loving and attentive, it’s just my dad is my best friend!” Anna puts her phone up to Lauren’s face “Here’s my mom!” Lauren is looking at a face of an Indian woman with sea blue eyes. “Oh MY Anna, she is beautiful!”
“I know, she is! She was born in Mumbai. She is a child psychologist. So tell me about your parents, oh and why did you donate an egg, thank you by the way?”
“You’re very welcome! OK well let’s see, my dad died when I was eight, cancer, and my mom was a fashion model in the late seventies early eighties and now she is a fashion show designer, and humanitarian. She organizes a lot of women’s foundations. Oh, wait for it…!” she pulls out her phone and sticks it in Anna’s face “Oh my god Lauren your mother and I have the same exact nose!”
“I know right!”
“I can’t wait to meet her! If you want me to, that is.”
“Of course, I would like that!” Lauren looks up while pondering “OK, so the donor egg question. Well, I was just starting my first year of college and I read an ad a couple, your parents, were looking for a donor and would pay twenty grand, and as a poor college student I was enticed, plus I thought it would be so cool to give life to a childless couple.”
“Cool, what did you do with the money, if you don’t mind me asking?”
“No, not at all. Books, tuition, and I bought a car!” with a bright smile, the two girls bust out in laughter. Lauren softly asks “Anna, did your parents tell you anything about me?”
“Yes! They said you were a beautiful smart college student studying psychology at USC. That’s one of the reasons I had a good instinct about meeting you.”
“Thank god for those instincts!” while winking at her. They get up and exit the restaurant. As they’re walking to the car Lauren excitedly asks “Oh, I have a hair appointment, do you want to come along? We can make it a spa day, my treat!”
“For sure!”

The girls are lounging in black puffy chairs while getting their toes and fingernails primped. “Oh my god Lauren what happened to your big toe, it’s crooked with a blue tint?”
“Yeah I know, thanks for the reminder. My first boyfriend dropped a 75-pound dumbbell on it by accident, and it’s permanently blue.”
“Ewww, ouch!” Anna let’s out an uncontrollable quiet giggle.
“So, Anna what kind of hairstyle are you thinking about?”
“Hmmm platinum blonde with black tips on the ends!” states with a jutting confidence “Oh, I don’t know, I don’t want to get in trouble with your parents.”
“Oh, no it’s cool, my mother and I talk about me having that same color, a change-up since I’m graduating, it’s fine!”
“OK, oh, where are you going to college in the fall?”
“An art school in LA”. Lauren smiles at hearing the location.
Lauren walks out of the massage area, stunned while looking at Anna “Wow, you look beautiful!”
“Thank you, do you really like it?”
“Oh, can you take my pic so I can text it to my mom?” passing Lauren her phone “Sure, oh who does she thinks you’re with?”
“My friend Julie, I think. Don’t worry I’m going to tell her all about you when I get home. We already talked about this before I turned eighteen. She’s gonna be so happy for me that I know where I come from biologically!”
Lauren is looking at Anna in awe, she puts her head down and gently weeps “Lauren, what’s wrong?”
“I’m…I’m just so happy you came into my life, I thought about this off and on for eighteen years, ever since I made the donation. And if anything were to come of it, I was just hoping to be your friend and be there for you for however long you wanted me, and give you whatever you wanted or if you needed anything, whether it be money, emotional support, anything!” Anna is teary and quickly springs up from her seat “Awwww. I want us to be more than friends. Like sisters, family!”
“I would like that!” the two tightly embrace. They’re walking back to Lauren’s car, Lauren stops “Hey, Egg?” Anna smiles while turning her head towards Lauren’s face “I have a confession to make, I hope you don’t mind me saying this but It will not take me more than a week to fall head over heels in love with you, kiddo.” as she ruffles Anna’s blonde and black bob. Anna is beaming from ear to ear “Fine by me!”


Sophie James..

Waking up hungover from a night of partying. Sophie, a tall slender strong-willed twenty one year old reaches over without looking, grabbing the20oz plastic bottle of Diet Pepsi from her nightstand. Taking a swig, she feels an object on her lip, spitting out liquid “What the fuck?” she snaps. Dropping the bottle to the floor, dirty water and a cigarette butt come streaming out. Grabbing the 2nd 20oz half bottle of Diet Pepsi from the nightstand, taking a swig while heading into the kitchen. Walking in she sees her roommate John Dahl a laid-back cool twenty-something musician eating an egg and cheese sandwich on an English muffin sitting at the table. “Hey, John.”
“Hey, Did I take some girls lipstick last night, I found it in the pocket of my jeans this morning?” laughing “Yeah, she made fun of your ears and got right in your face, stuck her tongue out and shouted AHHHHHH, then pulled it out of her pocket to put on, you grabbed it and walked away.” laughing back “Oh right, she called me Dumbo. She was making fun of the band’s lead singer and I said, well why don’t you go up there and sing then. What the fuck, my ears don’t even stick out that much! She was annoying, little punk.” Sophie grabs the pot of freshly made coffee and pours it into a coffee cup sitting on the counter. Heads to the fridge and grabs the orange juice and grabs a glass from the cupboard and pours. “John, what are you doing today?”
“Got band practice at noon for an hour, then meeting the queen for lunch. Want to meet us at The Garden on Sunset around 1?”
“Yeah sure, it’s always a pleasure seeing the queen. I’ll text ya when I arrive, I can’t get there till around 1:30.”

Sophie is laying on a red velvet couch wearing a long white men’s button-down shirt with the stem of a red rose in her mouth. Richie is photographing her. “Nice Sophie, now tilt your head all the way back over the side.” He moves closer to the couch shooting her from all sides and angles. “Nice, now put the stem behind your ear so just the bud is sticking out.” Sophie obliges. “OK, look down.” Sophie interjects “I wanna try somethin’ .” taking the rose and placing it down her shirt so just the bud is sticking out at the top of her blouse, Richie is into it “Cool I like it.” Richie grabs a hat from the bag on the floor with the logo “The Pythia” on the front tosses it to Sophie, she tosses it right back, “No.” unassuming “Why?”
“Because this is not ‘I’m my father’s daughter’ shoot.” caught off guard “I just thought it would be cute.”
“No, I know you didn’t mean anything by it, he’s a rock legend and he is important to people. I just wanna be known for something other than ‘that’.”
“Fair enough. Now eyes wide, mouth open & stick that tongue out!” He chuckles “Yeah, just like that Soph.”

Sophie is walking onto the patio of the restaurant, she eyes John and his mother Linda Dahl in the back left corner. Sophie’s attention is on Linda “Hi Linda!”
“Hi hun, how are you?”
“Great! Did you two order yet?” John chimed in “Just drinks, we were waiting for you.”
“Oh good, I’m starving! How was practice?”
“It was alright, Tim the new drummer was stoned out of his mind. In the middle of the song, he would zone out and start drumming beats to a whole other song.” Sophie Laughs “Not funny.”
“It’s a little funny. He was changing his tune!” Sophie and Linda laugh in unison. Linda is waving to the waitress, the waitress approaches “Hello all, can I get you a drink?” looking at Sophie “Coors light and a Diet Coke” the waitress nods. All three are eating various mixed salads. John’s eyeing Sophie while eating “So how’s your shoot.”
“OK. Think I got some cool shots out of it and it’s paying the bills. He wanted me to wear a hat with my dad’s band logo on it.”
“Oh, how did that go?”
“It didn’t.” annoyed, Linda harps in “Well, I think it’s insensitive and rude for people to bring up your dad so easily like they have some sort of right. It’s disrespectful and foolish, especially when one takes their own life so tragically!” Sophie happily chirps “Oh, I forgot. I forgot why I loved you.”
“Right back atcha!”
“I’m just so SICK of people’s mindsets and the way some people think! Just because my dad’s life ended tragically and so well known and what happened to my mother, my life or parts of it somehow mirrors that. Or I’m just lost or not well adjusted. It pisses me off! I don’t know if it’s cynicism or laziness that they immediately think that without ‘thinking’. Tragedy doesn’t define us. Plus, it’s about protecting my father’s image as well. Whatever it is I want to change that and a few more things while I’m at it.” John trying to lighten things up “You go, girl.”
“I will! Ahhhhh dork.” Sophie is sticking her tongue out “Gross, you have salad all over your tongue!” Sophie laughs.

Sophie enters a downtown LA office building. She enters through the “Egan Law Firm” office door. She announces to the receptionist that she is here “Hey Sophie, have a seat Jamie will be right out.”
“Thank you.” ten minutes later Jamie Egan, a tall lanky fella, fifties, with thick salt and black pepper hair
“Hi Sophie, how are you?”
“Great thanks, and you?”
“I can’t complain” flashing a kind smile “Oh, and hope your grandma is well too.” walking to his office, attentive “Sophie have you heard from your mother’s lawyer?” Worried, Sophie responds “No, what’s wrong?”
“Don’t worry there’s nothing wrong, we’ll talk and go over everything once we sit in my office.” a shaky Sophie responds “Okay.” Sophie is sitting in a overly large brown leather recliner looking like a fifteen year old “What brings you here in the middle of the month?”
“I wanted to get a cash advance on my monthly stipend” he casually obliges “Sure no problem! So now on to your mother, her lawyer called me two days ago, she is up for early parole and if she is approved she would have done six of her eight year manslaughter sentence. Which if you ask me is very good and both of you are very lucky, and you should be very pleased,” a perturbed Sophie responds “Pleased? Wait what, Manslaughter? God, I hate hearing that, it was self-defense!”
“Sophie, Carrie, your mother was heavily intoxicated, he had blood and bruises on his face and back. And she had his blood under her fingernails when she stabbed him to death seven times. Yes, her lawyer, DA, and the judges knew about his past physical abuse with your mother and other women, and that’s what her lawyer was passionately fighting for.” angrily, Sophie responds “My mom’s cuts and bruises were much worse than his, my stepdad got what he deserved if you asked me.”
“Sophie, the ‘heavily intoxicated’ part was the reason for the non-acquittal.“
“Jamie, I’m getting sick of having to wait each month for MY money.”
“When you turn twenty-five you won’t have to ever again nor come here again, well on a professional level that is, you’re like a second daughter to me and I care about you.”
“I’m having my photographs showcased at an art gallery downtown next month, I can email you an invite?”
“Great, I’d love that!”

Sophie and John are quenching their thirst with a few beers at the local dive bar. “Your dad’s birthday is next week, do you want to get wasted, eat massive amounts of cake and listen to his music all night?”
“Yeah, def!” John slightly tilts his head in gentle wonder “Do you have any memories of him?” Sophie happily responds “I have one or two, him giving me a bath and me sitting on top of his shoulders but I don’t know if they’re just dreams and I’ve mistaken them for reality.”
“How old were you when he died again, I wanna say two?”
“I was one, two weeks shy of turning two.”
“Oh, right!” Sophie quickly changes the subject “Actually, my birthday is in two weeks, wanna come over to grandma’s next Sunday for dinner?”
“Ya, sure.” Sophie is in thought, turns to John “My mom is up for parole next week.”
“Wow, really? That’s great! That went fast, what was it six years?” Sophie nods. Sophie’s phone starts to vibrate, she looks down and springs up from her seat “John, I gotta go.” grabbing her purse “Well wait, what about your tacos?”
“Wrap them up and bring them home with you.” John doesn’t know what to do with himself, Sophie scurries out.
Sophie is lying on her bed while staring at her phone, she sits upright and taps the keypad. A man’s voice echoes throughout the room “Piccard law, Evan speaking.”
“Hi, Evan this is Sophie, Carrie James’ daughter.”
“Oh hi, thanks for calling me back. How are you doing?”
“Doing well, thanks. My lawyer told me my mother was up for early parole, what are her chances of being released?”
“Excellent, she was an upstanding inmate, teaching the other inmates to draw and paint, also the younger ones helping them study for their GED. Plus we have many prior police reports of abuse towards your mother from your stepdad Brian.” Sophie interjects “I KNOW, I’m still angry she was even charged, she was just fighting back.” Evan urgently responds “Sophie, she was highly intoxicated that’s what didn’t work in her favor, and it looked like a mutual physical fight, and some of the police reports your mom filed against him in the past I did not have access to, they somehow ‘went missing’ at the time but I have them now!” Sophie snaps back “Such BullShit!”
“I know, it haunts me to this day. I have been writing and rewriting my speech that is going to get your mother the hell out of there, I will never stop fighting for her until she’s out!”
“I know you will, thank you! Oh, where will she go when she gets out?”
“She’ll go to a halfway house for her parole officer to keep an eye on her until she’s stronger and well assimilated in her surroundings, and she mentioned getting a place and living with you when she gets out.”
“Oh, I don’t know about that, what if I’m not ready.”
“Don’t worry we will work things out and make other arrangements.”
“Okay Evan, thank you!” She leaps up off her bed heads into the kitchen, grabs a Coors Light and hops on the treadmill.

Standing out in front of the Bakersfield Correctional facility, Sophia sees her mom walking through a large gate into the parking lot, she raises her arms high above her head smiling from ear to ear “MOOOOOOOOOOOOM, YOU’RE HERE!”
“HELLO, MY LOVE! I’ve been dreaming of this day for six years!” they run toward each other and tightly embrace. Sophie is at the wheel driving them back to LA, “So how’s ma?”
“You mean grandma, ma? I know she partially raised me, but you were and will always be my mother.”
“I know hun, so where do you want to eat?” with an overly excited smile and in unison “IN-N-OUT BURGER!” both in laughter. Somberly “I’ve been missing Mick, your dad, Sophie.”
”Me too mom. So what do you want to do for work, when you get settled?”
“Oh, I don’t want to think about that right now. I just want to sit next to you and look at your face for a few months.” Sophie sweetly smiles.

Sophie is in a silver tank top and a black mini skirt is walking down Sunset Boulevard. A male passerby driving in a convertible, top down screeches “Sophia, YOU’RE HOT, and your dad is a rock god!” Sophia is pleasantly amused and flashes the ‘heavy metal sign’. Walking along, she takes a shortcut and heads down a dim-lit alley. A guy walking by her in the opposite direction with his head down passes, he comes up from behind wrapping one arm around her neck with a knife in hand and his other hand pulling her head back by her hair. In a scratchy breathy voice, “If you scream I will kill you!” her inner warrior screams back “Like fuck you will!” A bolt of energy went through her and started howling like a dying animal, bit his arm, and kicked him wherever from behind and ran like hell. Once back at her place, alone, she poured a tall glass of vodka, almost to the rim and a tablespoon of orange juice, popped an Ativan, smoked a cigarette, while shaking the whole time, took a shower and went to bed. Sophie is sitting at the kitchen table drinking coffee, John walks in “Hey.” Sophie does not respond, John turns towards her and Sophie is quietly weeping, wide-eyed, concerned, “What’s wrong!” Sophie quietly responds “I was walking to the restaurant last night to meet Amy and Julie, and I took a shortcut down an alley, It was a stupid move, I know, and this drugged out creep fuck came at me from behind with a knife and threatened me that if I screamed he would kill me. I started kicking and screaming and bit his arm, broke free and ran. He did not hurt me or did anything I can’t recover from.”
“Oh my god, that fucking scumbag. Are you alright?”
“I will be.”
“Are you going to file a police report?”
“No, I did not see his face nor his clothes, it was one big blur. If the fucker physically hurt me I would.”
“And it’s NOT your fault, people walk down those alleys all the time and it’s fine!” Sophie wipes her eyes with a tissue and blows her nose “John will you come to Enough is Enough, the domestic violence and equal rights rally with me Saturday in downtown, I have something to say?”
“YA, of course!”

Sophie and John are heading to downtown LA, “So do you have a speech written?”
“Yes, it’s written all in my head.” They hop out of his car, both are looking around, a nervous Sophie gasps “My god there’s got to be around five thousand people here, yikes!” John is chilled, “Don’t worry you’ll do fine, you shine under pressure or in a crisis.” Sophie flashed a kind smile at her best friend. Sophie is sweating while walking up to the podium, She stands solid and strong, she begins…”Hi, my name is Sophie James, some may know my dad Mick James from the band The Pythia. I was attacked a few nights ago at knife point while walking alone. His intent was to physically harm me, but I broke free and ran. My mom has been physically and emotionally abused by my former stepdad for years. One night she fought back in self-defense and stabbed him to death, she was NOT acquitted due to being heavily intoxicated and spent six years behind bars. Last year an eighteen year old boy was beaten up by a man for being gay while walking to school. Six months ago a 30-year-old man was raped and murdered in his own home. Sexual and physical violence does NOT discriminate. Men and women hurt emotionally and physically just the same regardless of gender. We must have gender equality NOW, we must have equal rights NOW, we must change mindsets NOW! To men: We NEED your support! To women: We NEED your support! There’s no place for hate, love will always win! Thank you!” the crowd erupts in agreement.

A month passes by, Sophie and Carrie are grocery shopping. “Sophie, I’m ready for us to get our own place together.”
“Mom, shouldn’t you get your own place first to become adjusted to everything, and then I will move in?”
“No, I have been waiting for this for six years, I can only adjust if you’re by my side. John can live with us too.”
“Mom, I don’t know, I think you should live by yourself first.” Carrie mumbles under her breath “I am gonna have a nervous breakdown.”
“What mom?” Carrie drops to the floor in hysterics “I NEED THIS, YOU’RE MY HEART AND I CAN’T LIVE WITHOUT MY HEART!” Sophie is in shock “MOM, OH MY GOD GET OFF THE FLOOR!” she helps her mother up and runs out the door, holding her up by her underarm. They’re sitting in Sophie’s car, her mother is calm. “So mom, what kind of furniture should we buy for our new place?” Carrie softly weeps.

A little piece that I found and wanted to share..

“Black & white people are not divided. Fools & black people are divided. Racism is not about white folk or any other ethnicity, it’s about arrogant fools. Yes, white privilege does exist, but black people shouldn’t make it personal, white people that think they’re privileged because of the color of their skin are mostly arrogant, ignorant dumb fools. Yes, systemic racism & racial police brutality exists & some are intentionally targeted.

Black & brown people are powerful, & the most beautiful, smart, funny & amazing people, not to mention kind & loving, that ever walked this earth & I’ve met. I’ve been called the ‘N’ word throughout my life & made to feel I was not equal to. I have nothing against white people, black & white people were always equal, who I am against & are not equal to are racist fools. Racism is the stupidest most asinine thing that exists, shame on the human race. Many, many people have a lot of catching up to do. I’m waiting…” 


We must change some parts of history for the country, the world and the people, to evolve and to reach true equality..

Statues representing and depicting slavery and racism must come down. Racism hurts, and no one matters in till black lives matter. This/I will not stop in till we reach racial equality. If we make changes for racial equality & fight for these changes & keep up these Confederate statues, it’s contradicting, we need to start from the ground up. If this black lives matter movement dies out (and some people give up, the ones that carry weight and power), then we failed and might as well throw in the towel, give up on this country and give up on people, because they suck. It’s 2020 and some people have been looking at these statues and this ugly part of history since they were alive, it’s soulfully painful. These statues were saying “WE KNOW WHAT THESE STATUES REPRESENT BUT YOU DO NOT MATTER.” the white people that erected them were saying “YOU’RE NOT EQUAL TO US AND WHITE PEOPLE ARE SUPERIOR TO YOU”. People are burning the wrong god damn flag, all the confederate flags that are still out there need to be burned and evaporated and dissolved with the dark part of history. I also think any old movies or minstrel shows depicting blackface should be removed from the archives and never shown again so are country can grow, erease that part of history and move on.

This is one of the first parts of history that has to go for our country to heal & then the real change begins. Covid-19 brought all of us together, and the pandemic was shoved in all our faces no matter what color your skin was, and then the Geroge Floyd incident happened. Some things happen for a reason, this happened for a reason, it was OUR time for a racial justice revolution to begin again, where MLK Jr, Malcolm X, James Baldwin, Nelson Mandela, Marsha P. Johnson, John Lewis and countless others left off. But, it’s a different time now and we have many more resources and growth since their time and we will and can not stop in till visible and real true to the core, deep soulful change and justice has been made. We can do this, we got this. I’m all about peaceful protests and mutual agreement from the states, cities and towns to knock down these ignorant works of hate lawfully. If we’re not all on board the right way then the right change can’t happen.

Real equality can’t happen in the midst of hate. Black and brown people can not feel true and whole justice and equality in till there is social change, change in the police departments, political change, and visual change like statues and hate flags in their communities, especially down South. No one matters & till there is equality & equal justice for black and brown people that were done wrong. I’m not saying that all people do not deserve justice that were done wrong like the indigenous people of the Americas or anyone. The lynching and the disgusting mistreatment of black and brown people have gone long enough to not demand change and equal justice now, it is our biggest fight ever in American history. It’s all around me, it’s in the air, change is coming, the sick feeling in the pit of my stomach won’t go away in till it does.

I’ve waited almost my whole life for this. All due to the smart phone, thank you..

I was Seven or Eight years old when I was called the ‘N’ word for the first time, and on occasion, rocks were thrown at us all throughout the Three or Four years we lived in this particular New England neighborhood and were old enough to walk to school (later in life the ‘word’ was spewed at me occasionally but less frequent), both my sister and I, who was two years older than me. We lived in a mostly white neighborhood, Irish Catholic I believe, and I guess we were considered ‘brown’ kids, we had a darker complexion and dark brown eyes. It was the late Seventies & early Eighties, the white-as-ivory delinquents didn’t know any better, it was what was happening in their environment and what they saw on television or read in newspapers (if they could even read). Back then I thought about it a lot, I knew it was deep-rooted hate but at the time I didn’t know why (and I could only imagine the racial hate that’s been happening to African Americans for decades, especially down South, and it hurt and affected me deeply). They would scrunch up their face and nose and would clearly and slowly pronounce N-I-G-G-E-R with such venomous hate, and I was in disbelief confused horror. Years after I realized it was systemic racism, an instant uncontrollable thought, a fiber of their being and frame of mind & violent ignorance, or that they truly thought white people were superior to black people, I started dating a guy (total tool with no depth or intelligence) in my late teens and one night out of love and elation (a few beers in me as well) I lifted my arms up over my head and said “I love black people”, he broke up with me the next day.

My eyes are welling up as I write this piece, I’m jubilant and just happy with the current times. The BLM movement and racial injustice protests mean more to me than I realized at first, it was probably just stored away pain or I thought real change would not come of this, I didn’t want to get my hopes up. This is our civil rights movement that happened in the Sixties and I am ecstatic and bursting with excitement for the change that will take place. It is so important that we keep up with these protests and continue until real change takes place (we just now have to wear really cool masks). Political change and changes within police departments and the prison justice system can happen very soon but I think it will take a couple of years for deep-rooted systemic racism and true racial equality & racial justice to take place, but hey I could be wrong (they’re just hopeful heartfelt thoughts), It takes longer to get out of a hateful mess than to start one. These are historic, amazing, and important times we’re living in and the civil unjust that has been happening for many, many years after the civil rights movement, well we now have proof, smartphones. We had video proof for years now but I think I and Americans had just reached a point where we can not take it anymore and things must change for our well-being, country, livelihood & state of mind, emotionally and mentally. Enough is enough!

I think we need to have a female VP nominee of color to keep this movement going and stay alive and last for years and years, and to make a strong statement. We all have been waiting for many years for this and there’s no way in hell we can stop now. If I had a ton of money I would start an organization and try to make sure these protests and the BLM movement continue and never dies out until real, significant & visible change has been made. Please, everyone, keep in mind that you do not have to be black or come from a first or second generation of African American descent to start another BLM movement or organization. Fight, fight, fight, peacefully of course.

Systemic racism is a cancer that started from slavery & grew. It needs to be eradicated, & America needs to catch up..

I struggle with promoting the phrase ‘Black Lives Matter’ or the hashtag on social media (not the organization). It’s a controversial statement to me, it’s a contradiction, like they’re not equal to or do not have the same rights, I feel more comfortable using the organization’s @blklivesmatter handle or the hashtag #racialinequality & #racialinjustice. We desperately need real change & bring awareness to racial inequality, & the BLM movement protests does that. Myself and many, many others have been writing and fighting about racial injustice, police brutality against black men, boys & women, & for real change & equality for years.

When I see and hear about racial injustice, it’s deeply rooted systemic racism that goes back to slavery, the civil rights movement in the Sixties made significant improvement but it did not change the way some people think or their frame of mind. Systemic racisim is a frame of mind. So when a white person is with a POC & they’re confronted with systemic racism, & the way you thought for years (It’s ingrained in some peoples minds for centuries) STOP, clear your thoughts and frame of mind, change your way of thinking, you’re just two people that are equal and are the same race & you don’t know that person. That is my frame of mind, that is my thinking, I grew up in a multicultural & multiethnic environment and grew up thinking we’re all equal & there is one race, the human one. This does not apply to deep rooted hate rasicts that will always have the same frame of mind, ignorance.

Once everyone realizes systemic racism is a frame of mind & a way of thinking they can stop it from happening. There’re good & bad white people, there’re good & bad black people. For instance when a police officer pulls over a black man you can not have the same way of thinking that has been ingrained in some for years or from past bad experiences you had or heard about, you just don’t know that person. Cops need sharp instincts (it’s apart of their job) so use your instincts that you were trained for rather than the color of their skin. The only way to eradicate systemic racism is by the way we think and our frame of mind, and I will never stop writing about this in till it is.


Don’t do it..

This will be short & very simple & straight to the truth… If Kavanaugh is nominated we’re taking a step backward towards the amazing, exciting & exhilarating progress for women from the ‘Me too’ movement, that some of us have been waiting years & years for real change. We have it & we can taste it! If Brett Kavanaugh is nominated WE’RE saying that power & greed is higher & more important than a woman’s right, than a woman’s shame & embarrassment, & more importantly the amazing change & progress we made (do not sweep all this under the rug)!!

Don’t do it, let’s keep REAL change going. Just think of the guts & bravery of Dr. Christine Ford coming fourth & testifying, of course she is telling the truth, why the hell would she go through all that?! She went through that for her dignity & pride & to tell the f’ing truth! Don’t do it, don’t take a step back & take away our progress, make an example out of Mr. Kavanaugh, sorry guy you’re at the wrong place ( the right place for women) & the wrong time. Take one for the team Mr. Kavanaugh, the women’s team, stay off the bench Brett, us women would really appreciate it.

Touchy subject..

So, I see a lot of other ethnicities attacking Caucasians: ‘white people’ in the news & on social media lately. There’re a lot of racists who are white (There’re racists in every ethnic background. & this is NOT a piece about stereotyping, at all!). What I am defending is, that Caucasians are the majority and outweigh the minority in the US, no one should be attacked for that. I get frustrated with white people all the time, about racism, fascism, superiority or whatever (mainly because it’s 2018 & they should not be the majority in the US anymore). I don’t get frustrated because they’re white, I get frustrated with them because they’ve been the majority for so long in the US, & with majority comes pride. I attack (If need be) & get frustrated at the person & the majority & not the color of their skin. I guess what I’m trying to say is: To other ethnicities, ease up on the white folk.

Hold on tight folks, in 2030-2040 we will be one happy mixture (I have been waiting for a very long time for that). Caucasians will not be the majority, not saying there will be no more white people that are racists (there’ll always be racists in every ethnicity) but they will not express their hatred out loud (well unless they’re stupid) simply because they do not outweigh the minority. And when that day comes racism will be wiped out a little each day. This has been on my mind bugging me & now it’s off. Oh, & if I hear people saying ‘different races’ one more time, I’m gonna scream! For the five hundredth time there is only one race, the human race.

“Oh, no she di’nt”..

So, a few months back I was at a bar/club with some fine R&B pulsating throughout & dancing at the upstairs part of the establishment. I was in the corner w/some friends celebrating one of their birthdays & enjoying my mojito & the beats. Two of them dispersed to find a bathroom or grab a drink, I was contently looking around people watching & noticed a guy in the next corner about three feet away looking at me, I caught his eye & he caught mine. He had the most beautiful silky dark brown clear skin. I was looking out into the colorful lit dance floor, looked to my right & silky skin guy was looking at me & I did not look away. I raised my glass & said “Hey” & we walked towards each other, met halfway & stopped.

The conversation was easy, we liked each other’s smiles, we were cute haha. There were two girls next to us sharing a scorpion bowl, he was not with them. One of the girls looked like the shooter girl from earlier, the girl walking around with her tray selling colorful shooter shots downstairs. I glanced over & she glanced back “Oh, do you work here?” I said, “Uh no” she replied as in ‘bitch please’. “Oh, you look exactly like the girl from earlier selling the shooter shots” & turned all my attention to him, ‘the easy like Sunday morning’ guy.

We were chatting it up, talking about where we were from & what we did (I could feel the look-alike shooter girl looking and listening to me). We started dancing, well I was doing a goofy dance around him while he was keeled over smiling & then started dancing together. “I’ll be right back, you wanna drink?” he said, “No, I’m good. Oh, wait I’ll have a water, can you get me a water?” He nodded. The girl drinking the scorpion bowl made a b-line right towards him while he was at the bar. She was talking & I could feel what it was about & then they were talking together. I walked over to get a water & he walked over towards the bathrooms, she was staring at me “Is there a problem?” I asked, “No”, “Do you know him?” “No”, she said. “Because it seems like you have a problem or there is a problem & you confronted him about us or me”. & she gave me a whatever sneer, I said calmly “Just stay out of my business” & she pushed my shoulder with her hand, not a whole lot gets me mad, that did. Louder, “Stay the fuck out of my business & don’t touch me, bitch!”, I was horrified that I said that. What got me so mad was, she ‘thought’ she was intitled & it was her God-given right & her ALL & EVERY right to intervene & get in our business because her skin color was darker than mine, & she & he were more black than I. & she didn’t even know my ethnicity (actually I’m not, well if you even consider a little Spanish & African a lil’ blackish)! Next thing I know a swarm of six-foot-tall bouncers surrounded that girl & I, most were black, some were not, tensions were high. A calm bouncer approached me smiling “You wanna go downstairs?” he asked “Yes” & as we were walking away I looked back at the guy & he & I were looking sweetly into each other’s eyes, & I know for a fact we were both singing the Adele song to ourselves “We could’ve had it allllllllllllllll all all” as I was walking away.

I would never in my life recognize Divine or Daniel (I forget was a few months ago) if I ever saw him again. & the GIF above looked nothing like her, just thought it was funny. Actually, she was really petite & looked like a light-skinned Pam Grier. After the fact she had her head down & was a doe-eyed mute feeling guilty or trying to look all innocent, pathetic! I guess the point I’m trying to get across, is African American racial struggles really hurt me deep down, I can sometimes take it to heart & personal. And maybe the fact that I was a little older & our mindsets were different, but over a lighter fucking skin tone, she thought it was ALL her right to intervene & get in my business like that? Oh, no she di’nt! That guy & I were really enjoying talking to each other.

As I’m waiting outside my friends stumble out of the bar laughing their asses off, I lift up both of my arms over my head & yell “I JUST GOT KICKED OUT OF A BAR, I’M A WARRIOR”. I think the last time I got kicked out of a bar was in my early twenties when my friend got caught smoking weed in the bathroom stall out West. So myself & my hooligan lady pack went to the little dive around the corner. I wish more people could feel or be completely free, like the writer Candace Owens & not feel strapped to their past (her written words), or think any other ethnicity thinks that. But, then again everyone has their own individual story & you cannot stereotype or know how they’re feeling.

If equal pay & gender equality is prevalent in some companies and towns, it would be great if that could be spread out into the universe & have it be affected globally. K, thanks..

I’m sometimes puzzled when I hear about the gender equality & equal pay fight, protests & struggles in the news & globally. I’ve had groups of guy friends where gender equality was equal, & worked on sales teams w/both guys & gals in the office where we were paid equally for the same job. Gender equality really hasn’t affected me personally, & equal pay in the office, that I know of. So when I hear it happening, to me it seems like it’s happening in a parallel universe. But, I know it’s real & I want it to change (not really sure on how I go about that, though). I want to see real change in the near future, badly.